Grief: Understanding, Recognizing, and Supporting Healing

In a year when the world feels heavy—through losses big and small, headlines that unsettle, and changes that ripple through daily life—grief is everywhere. It’s in the empty chair at the table, the friend who moved away, the routines that shifted, and the quiet anxieties that linger after a crisis. For older adults, these collective stresses often layer on top of personal losses, making grief more complex and more invisible. That’s why now is a good time to name it, soften it with understanding, and offer practical ways to carry it together.

Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. And for older adults, it can show up in ways that are often overlooked or misunderstood. Whether it’s the loss of a spouse, a lifelong friend, or even a sense of independence, grief in later life deserves just as much care and attention as any other stage.

Let’s talk about what grief looks like in the elderly, the different types they may experience, and how we can gently support healing—whether we’re caregivers, family members, or walking through it ourselves.

Types of Grief

Grief isn’t just about death. It can stem from many kinds of loss. Here are a few types that show up often in older adults:

• Anticipatory Grief: This is grief that begins before a loss happens—like when a loved one is seriously ill. It’s the emotional preparation for what’s coming.

• Cumulative Grief: Many older adults experience multiple losses in a short time—friends, siblings, pets, routines. It can feel like wave after wave.

  
  

• Disenfranchised Grief: This is grief that society doesn’t always recognize—like mourning the loss of independence, mobility, or even a home.

  
  

• Complicated Grief: Sometimes grief doesn’t ease with time. It lingers, intensifies, or interferes with daily life. This kind of grief may need professional support.

  
  

• Secondary Losses: After a major loss, other losses follow—like losing a role (caregiver, spouse), financial stability, or social connections. These build up and lead to more grief.

What Grief Looks Like

Grief doesn’t always look like tears, and it does not always appear when expected. Many will sympathize with you if you have lost a spouse, but perhaps not so much when you need to move from your home or experience other subtle changes in your health or abilities that are not obvious to others. Because of this, it is important to realize that grief can show up in subtle, quiet ways and not always on "schedule". Here are some signs to look for:

• Emotional signs: Sadness, anxiety, irritability, or numbness. Some may feel guilt or regret, especially after losing a spouse or child.

  
  

• Physical symptoms: Fatigue, sleep changes, appetite loss, or unexplained aches. Grief can take a toll on the body.

  
  

• Behavioral changes: Withdrawing from activities, forgetting things, or losing interest in hobbies. Some may become more dependent or more isolated.

  
  

• Spiritual questioning: Older adults may reflect deeply on life’s meaning, faith, or purpose—especially after a major loss.

  
  

• No signs at all: Grief can be quiet. It can look like someone sitting in their favorite chair, staring out the window. Or skipping meals. Or saying, “I’m fine,” when they’re not.

Practical Ways to Walk Through Grief

There’s no “fixing” grief—but there are ways to walk through it with care:

• Be present: You don’t need perfect words. Just sit with them. Listen. Let silence be okay.

  
  

• Encourage connection: Isolation makes grief heavier. Support visits with friends, faith groups, or senior centers.

  
  

• Honor the loss: Rituals matter. Light a candle, share stories, keep a photo nearby. These small acts help hold memory.

  
  

• Support healthy habits: Encourage gentle movement, nourishing meals, and rest. The body needs care during grief.

  
  

• Watch for signs of complicated grief: If sadness doesn’t ease or daily life becomes hard, consider professional help. Medicare covers many mental health services for older adults.

  
  

• Validate their experience: Let them know it’s okay to grieve—even if others don’t understand the loss.

Grief in the elderly is often quiet, but it’s no less profound. Whether you’re supporting a loved one or grieving yourself, remember: healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the love forward, even as life changes. Help those around you and ask for help if you need it. Also, be sure to speak with your PCP if you have concerns that you or a loved one needs more help so you can obtain a referral and/or possible medication.